headlocked | high cloud disaster ot3 shit

Stop.

[He protests miserably, trembling as he slowly wrestles his own emotions back down. This hurts so much. He knows he has to explain that if he wants them to understand, but he's been avoiding talking about it for so long the words get caught in his throat.]

You didn't...

[He swallows, takes a deep breath, and shoves the words past that agonizing block in his heart.]

That man is dead. All of them are dead. I can't call those names any longer... even Master is ready to let go of the past. But you-- You're here, and I'm happy, but when you talk and act like them, I--

...It's like... they're right there in front of me, and I still can't reach them. You drew that line, but you blur it when I can't. This one-way barrier of yours... is cruel.

Edited 2023-10-25 05:46 (UTC)

[dan heng flinches, all too clear from this proximity. this hot on the heels of him being absolutely wrecked, he feels too raw to do anything but grasp at his own features with his cloudhymn, stuffing his tail and horns and the rest of the aspects of his true form back into the metaphorical closet.]

You have my apologies.

Dan Heng, no-

[it's already difficult to gather his fragmented thoughts enough to answer jing yuan, but seeing, feeling, dan heng tuck himself away feels all too like dan feng hiding away from him again and maybe he does understand a little bit what jing yuan is going through.

blade pulls back, just enough so he can see both their faces. a truth for a truth, he decides.]

Yingxing was - is - the only good part of me left. If he had truly died... without him, I have nothing to offer you both.

Doesn't feel right. [he looks away, down at his hands.] If you look for him. And just find me, Jing Yuan.

Don't hide yourself, Dan Heng. That face is yours.

[It's Blade who's like 95% of the problem. And it's also Blade who just made that confession, so Jing Yuan lifts his face from Dan Heng's hair to look at him with reddened eyes and a too-cautious expression.]

...You know I've wanted Yingxing's comfort all this time. I wanted-- any of you just to acknowledge that I am still here. To--

[There's a sniffle there that he tries to suppress.]

To tell me I'll be alright. Instead I've comforted myself, all on my own, for seven centuries. And I have been alright. But lately, I... I fear I'll be following in Master's footsteps before long. So-- If you'll continue to be honest with me, I will accept you both as those people and as the people you are now. But if you mean to stay with me, please be kind. I am wounded too. And... please don't ever leave again.

[dan heng swallows hard. frankly he looks like he's about to cry. but he lets go of his cloudhymn, tail and hair and all spilling free again. his tail thumps against the floor audibly as it does.]

I didn't mean to hurt you with this.

[but he can recognize that's not helpful in this moment, really. that it may even sound like he's trying to escape jing yuan's requests.]

I'll stay.

[blade thought about trying to explain how he’d spent most of that seven hundred years in a state that was not conducive to any positive emotion whatsoever, and how he was going to spend the rest of his foreseeable infinite future in the same way, but he retained enough sense, at least, to know it would not help.]

Kindness is not something I can promise. [blunt, but he reaches out, playing with the ends of jing yuan’s hair with fingers that do not feel their softness.] But I will try.

And I will outlive both of you. [the tone is matter-of-fact.] If anyone is leaving, it won’t be me.

[Sorry Blade that hand is for Jing Yuan's head now. Pet him. He's a sad baby lion. He'll shove his face into it if he's gotta.

Also Dan Heng's tail is now for cuddling like a plush.]

...Okay.

[That's the best he can ask for, Especially knowing he's the one who'll probably leave for good first. They're finally hearing him, they're willing to commit... he is, actually, extremely happy. His face is still red and blotchy and his eyes are puffy and damp, but he's largely calmed down now.]

I think... Perhaps the time has come to retire after all.

[tailcuddles... his heart is so warm, even as the reality of blade's statement chokes him. he's already died on both of them once. he'll do it to blade again. the best he can hope for is to spare jing yuan.]

...Fu Xuan will be pleased.

[his voice is thick with emotion. but he sneaks an arm around blade's waist, and curves the uncuddled portion of his tail around jing yuan.]

[???????????

blade jumps a little at dan heng touching him, like he wasn’t, you know, fucking the living daylights out of him earlier. he gets a little mad at himself for jumping, and then a little mad at himself because he immediately folds like wet tissue paper doesn’t and leans into dan heng.]

You gonna try being a Galaxy Ranger?

[that hand in jing yuan’s hair has graduated to petting him, yes, because if anything, blade really did like seeing his little cat-smile.]

Alas, the Galaxy Rangers are defunct.

[He would totally do that if he could though.

At this exact moment he can't do anything cool, though, so he's leeeaning into Blade's hand and puddling into Dan Heng's tail embrace instead. A content kitty. He does in fact make a cat face.]

I'd been thinking of getting into animal conservation. Perhaps reintroducing species locally extinct on Xianzhou ships. Or joining the Astral Express. Or both. But I'd also be content to stay in this house and live my last days as the pampered lover of two very dangerous men.

The Astral Express would be glad to have you.

[a slight, notable counterlean into blade.]

Both.

But if you choose to stay here, I will as well.

You just want another lion.

[shit, he’s so cute. which was high praise, considering blade did not have any thoughts in the vicinity of ‘cute’ unless silver wolf bewailed her fondness for fictional game characters right in his ear.

blade stares at jing yuan for about a minute before giving in and kissing that smile, one hand still resting at the small of dan heng’s back.]

I’ll come back when I can. Come home. I mean. Wherever you both are.

[whoa!!! too much emotional shit suddenly he needs to Leave. gonna go and try to stand up and umm find towels maybe Good Bye.]

[Nope sorry Jing Yuan is throwing an arm around Blade's neck to keep him close. Give him more kisses please.]

Home is where we are, hmm? It seems you have a romantic streak after all.

[Now it's the shitty cat face.]

In that case, I'll take you up on your offer, Dan Heng. And I'm bringing the lion I already have. It's just a shame it'd be impractical to bring the finches!

[jing yuan was faster, but dan heng was a moment from clotheslining him with his tail, snuggles be damned, so good save jin yuan.

remembers about the lion.

thinks about pompom.

pours one out internally for pompom.]

They would be a bit excessive, yes.

[blade, to his immense consternation and annoyance, flushes red. he glares at jing yuan, which is marginally less threatening than it should be because he seems to have trouble keeping his eyes off jing yuan’s mouth.]

Shut the fuck up.

[with heroic effort he looks at dan heng. which was a bad idea because dan heng is still all rumpled and glowy.] Don’t let him bring his finches, they shit everywhere.

They do not! I've raised them better than that.

[Otherwise Blade'd have bird shit all over his hands given how much he's had them on Jing Yuan's hair...

And now Jing Yuan is pouting. (Comedically. On purpose. Just to make Blade's face stay red.)]

Now I want to bring them after all...

The Conductor would likely put their foot down with birds. It will be difficult convincing them with your lion as it is.

[snuggles against blade. none escape.]

[your birds are agents of the state you asshole. blade just- covers jing yuan’s mouth, feeling more and more out of his depth.]

Where would you even put her in? Dan Heng sleeps in a closet. [pause. he flicks a nail at the base of dan heng’s tail. just to make him jump.] Did you know both Kafka and Silver Wolf have the Express’ schematics.

[There are a lot of things he could say, to keep being a brat.

"Mimi is a male lion. Have you seen his mane? It's even bigger than mine... but mine is softer."

"The Express is a magic train, you thick-skulled fool. It grows. Dan Heng is just weird."

"You do realise it's very mean to separate an innocent elderly person from their pets, Dan Heng?"

But no, Blade's hand is over his mouth, so all he can do is make a whiny protesting noise. He could also lean away from his hand or push it away, but. Y'know. He's playing along. And he finds it really hot anyway, which is painfully easy to tell from the outside when he's flushing and naked.]

It's not a closet.

[twitches, the length of his tail tightening around jing yuan.]

And there's plenty of room, which you know if you've seen the schematics.

It’s a closet. I’m surprised Cloud-piercer fits in it. Pick up your fucking books from the floor sometime.

[he realizes he’s actually arguing - bantering, really, with dan heng, and this is the longest conversation they’ve ever had without violence. this makes him feel queasy (is that what it is), so he turns to look at jing yuan, who is making the most pathetic face behind his hand.

shit, blade thinks, because that’s very fuckable of him, and he was really content with getting soft because of emotional shrapnel from earlier.] Stop making that face.

[He will not stop making that face. In fact he just makes it worse by holding Dan Heng's tail all cutely and giving Blade the most sweetly submissive fuck-me eyes he can pull off. Like sad ~~puppy~~ kitten eyes but really super horny.

He's done being miserable and he was going to just be cute, but he likes being bullied too much.]

The schematics shouldn't know where my books are-!

[wait what face?

turns to catch jing yuan's expression and oh]

[he was going to say silver wolf gave me physical photos of the room you slept in while you were in it and i kept them for Reasons but jing yuan had decided to choose violence today.]

What the fuck is this. [holding jing yuan’s face roughly by the chin. aeon’s sake, why does blade like this.] You just fucked Dan Heng and you already…

Mm. I did, and it was incredible. But...

[He likes being grabbed that roughly too, unfortunately. He's dealing with it by trying to nip at Blade's fingertips. He's scraping his own nails lightly over Dan Heng's scales.]

I love your rough hands. You're more violent than Yingxing, but I am sturdier than I was, and I have more ugly thoughts I'd like silenced.

[And with a smug smirk, knowing he's already won:]

I suppose you were right to call me a slut.

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